The myth of the self-made man pervades the North American psychology like no other and admitting you need anything, be that the neighbour’s ladder to someone to talk to feels incriminating. 

For, in asking to borrow the ladder, you are basically admitting to your neighbour that you suck at life. That you can’t afford a ladder because you’re financially irresponsible. That you don’t have space for a ladder because your household is cluttered and disorganized. That you’re an idiot with tools (just with tools?) because what sort of handyman doesn’t have a ladder? All of which adds up to your feeling like the street parasite and that why don’t you take some responsibility already. 

And that’s just when you need a ladder! To admit you need counseling? Nothing left to conclude there but that you are completely worthless. Then what?

For most of us, for the sake of our pride and self-esteem, the answer is to keep calm and carry on as all the mugs say. While this approach may work for a while, even a long while, over time, the need for help in the form of some practical advice or guidance (that we may not have received when we were young) becomes increasingly more pressing as we begin to notice the effects of stress and anxiety flare up at work, at which point, the world starts to collapse around us. 

We all need guidance. We all need perspective. And we all need others in order to function properly and responsibly – and to pretend that any one person who enjoys a modicum of happiness has managed this on his own means to shortchange the impact that mentoring, parenting, education and friendship have on one’s outcome. 

From addictions to mistakes at work to misfires in conversation, there are endless ways and opportunities to go wrong, to find ourselves in places even years down the road, which, based on our own ongoing assessment of our actions, thoughts and motives (which we always judge favourably in the absence of guidance) we could not for ourselves have predicted. And no one can avoid these conundrums because no one acts and thinks and behaves perfectly all the time. 

No secret from this blog’s title that counseling should, for everyone, no matter the state of your mental health, be on the table. But before we discuss the merits of professional help, it is worth noting the obstacles preventing us from seeking mental health help in the first place. Therefore in this, part one of a two part blog post, we outline ten reasons why we tend to avoid seeking counseling for our mental health issues. In part two, we’ll follow things up with a list of practical reasons to turn to counseling withstanding the below hurdles. 

So why then do we tend to avoid the mental health scene even when we know keep down we are struggling? Here we go…

1. The stigma

If you go to therapy, you’re obviously really messed up and who wants to admit that?

2. It’s expensive

At nearly 300$ per appointment (or more), a decent insurance policy might buy you seven or eight sessions over the course of the year before you have to start paying out of pocket. Even if you manage to get to the point where you are willing to admit to yourself that you’re totally messed up, it doesn’t take a hater to conclude in advance that seven hours of therapy will be a woefully insufficient amount of time to unpack God knows how much baggage. 

3. Telling your life story to someone sounds exhausting

 Especially given that you may not connect well with whomever you end up speaking. 

4. It’s a waste of time

There is no denying that with how busy we are, to create space in your week to drive somewhere in order to spend an hour talking about your feelings is not exactly the best use of one’s time alongside grocery shopping, getting dinner ready, taking care of work emails, what have you.

5. Free therapy services have their own stigmas

Yes, in Canada at least, there are free services and counseling available but these, you think, are for people who are REALLY messed up, and that’s not you. More, because of the high demand, even if you choose this route, you’re unlikely to have ready access to the only legit psychologist on staff and so you’ll be set up instead with a social worker, fresh out of grad school. 

6. You’re too intelligent for therapy

First, to imply that anyone can solve for stress is a fiction for morons, and you for one, won’t be taken for a fool. Second, you’ve got too much going on upstairs to be hoodwinked by a poser with glasses and a comfortable couch. I mean give me a break, right?

7. When it comes down to it, all therapists have the same approach

As far as you’re concerned, they all ask different versions of the question “how does that make you feel” until your sessions run out, at which point, they finally prescribe (assuming they are even able to prescribe) you medication. The disdain for this approach and for the profession generally is too high a cost to bear. Rather go without the meds, thanks. 

8. There are cheaper alternatives

What about exercise, meditation, change of diet? Do these things not also hold the keys to wellness and improved mental health? Shouldn’t you try one or all of these things first first before investing in a dedicated mental health approach? 

9. You already know what a therapist is going to say

You’ve read about attachment theory. You’ve read Carol Dweck’s Mindset. Angela Duckworth’s Grit. And other obscure stuff that you found on the web one night when you couldn’t sleep. You know what your problem is already and what to do about it. So why book an appointment with someone so they can tell you what you already know? 

10. You’ve seen Goodwill Hunting

The one where Robin Williams says “it’s not your fault” a bunch of times. If that’s what a breakthrough looks like, thanks but no thanks. 

The question now is whether it is possible, despite the challenges outlined above, to still convince the independent-to-a-fault North American to seek help. And how can we do it in a way that allows this North American to save face? In part two of this blog post, we examine some strategies available to the lone wolf who aims to seek counselling without feeling shamed or defeated. Put another way – how can we convince someone to seek mental health in a way that forgoes that person from admitting that he requires mental health support?