You don’t need professional help or counseling. You admit, sure, that you’re not perfect, that you’ve got a short fuse, an avoidant personality and an aversion to loud noises. And that you feel like killing someone when a motorcycle rips by over eighty decibels. To see shrink about it? No dice, because quirks aside, at the core of things, you got this. You’re a self-reliant, problem solver. A regular Thoreau. The model capitalist. Not exactly the target market for therapy. 

Maybe the above description suits you. Maybe not. Perhaps instead you’re dragging your feet for one of the reasons outlined in part one of this two part blog post.

The sad truth is that we only tend to look into therapy when we have hit rock bottom or when we are in crisis mode. But what people don’t get is that we are, all of us, always en route to some crisis, be that crisis personal or professional, and having someone, a third party to connect with throughout creates breathing room in two ways: one, in consulting with someone before things go south, we are able to pinpoint weaknesses in our personalities in terms of hang ups and triggers, the very elements responsible for our inevitable demise, and two, in establishing a relationship with an objective third party in advance, we are essentially installing a safety net in the form of someone we can lean on when we do hit rock bottom. 

So, what, the going position here is that we should all be in therapy?

Yes, that is the position here. Once a week every week for your entire life? Of course not. But once just to break the ice? And a few times throughout the year just to stay mentally fit? Yeah!

I would shop for a therapist in the same way you might shop for a new car. You want to look for one before you need one. No surprise that the absolute worst time to shop for a new ride is when your current one is on its last legs because in such a scenario you have little leverage from the point of view of negotiation. Start looking for a car before you need it though, and you have a little more control when the gears finally go on that 2003 Honda CRV. 

Still, the above rationale, mostly preventative, will not on its own be enough to convince anyone to book an appointment. The question on the table therefore: how to convince someone who doesn’t think they need therapy but who could surely benefit from therapy to actually go get therapy? Here are ten ways/reasons to go about tricking yourself into making that call:

1. So you can ‘blame it on your therapist’

So you don’t think you need counseling. There are still practical reasons to look into getting a therapist, the foremost being to blame your therapist when you have to make tough choices. Your friends and family may not always approve of or welcome lifestyle changes that result in a happier you. Strange but true. Happiness is often a relative thing, meaning that people will often feel better about themselves and their circumstances if they judge their own circumstances to be ‘better’ than the circumstances of others. Because of which, when you make life choices that result in a more fuller life, others cannot help but feel envious. And this can compromise relationships. Eating healthier? Sticking to that gym routine and eight months later, actually seeing results? Blame it on your therapist. Guys, it’s not me, honestly. I’m not responsible for these changes. It’s my therapist. 

2. Feeling of doing something to solve a problem

Again, dismissing the idea that you may actually need therapy or that you will get anything out of it, here’s another reason to buy in – the very act of booking the appointment is, on its own, worthwhile. Mental health aside, when you pick up the phone and book something or apply for something, you’ve accomplished a task. Checked something off that list, so to speak. And exercising that productivity muscle releases a little dopamine. More, come appointment day, you’ll find that you’re actually looking forward to it, especially considering that where counseling is concerned, making the decision to actually book something is the toughest part. 

3. To promote therapy for those who need it

Or how about this…there’s someone in your life that could really use some guidance. Someone who has admitted to you on more than one occasion that they need someone to talk to. Or maybe someone who your gut tells you might be in need of a good ear when yours won’t do. Why not book a mental health appointment for yourself, in order to promote the idea to your friend? One day, you let it slip that “my therapist really set me straight about…” and your friend interrupts with “you have a therapist?” You respond that “of course I do! Don’t you?” For good measure, you add that looking after your mental health is no different than looking after your physical health – one needs regular maintenance whether one is embroiled in crisis or not. 

4. To intellectually spar

The term echo chamber is a poignant expression that illustrates one’s tendency to think inside an ideological box. To have ideas and thoughts that are limited in nature to the ideas and thoughts that the people with whom you choose to hang out tend to express. Getting a therapist is a great way to break out of this mold. Because in choosing a therapist, you aren’t choosing a friend. You are choosing a sparring partner – someone who, outside your social sphere, may slap some of your ideas or notions down. While this may initially produce anger, remember the importance of Hagel’s (and before that, Socrates’) dialectic. Opposing opinions, or in the case of Socrates’ approach, questions for clarification, can often produce truth and enlightenment, which, removed from social and ideological pressures, is really where you want to be – in the pursuit of truth. 

5. To break routine 

Think of booking an appointment with a therapist as a form of investing. You make the call now. And three weeks later, you have something to do on a Wednesday – a night out. Not to presume that you are in a rut or anything and could use a break in routine (though this would certainly help with that too) but just to, whether you feel the need for it or not, do something different. We thrive on a balance between routine a novelty. Why not try the counseling thing? Might seem like a vacation if the days are starting to look the same. 

6. Out of curiosity 

C’mon, you’ve seen countless movies where the protagonist ends up in counseling to deal with whatever vice(s) the author has chosen to saddle him with. You must be curious, right? Do all therapists have glasses, a calm voice, a couch and a box of tissues on the coffee table? Will they all accuse you of some Freudian complex in the end? Why not play the part you’ve seen on screen hundreds of times? Book it, and experience things for yourself! 

7. For the sake of due diligence 

Similar to point number six, doing one’s due diligence is an investing term that means asking and answering questions about a company’s balance sheet and management before investing in said company. To book an appointment with a professional who deals in mental health issues is like performing due diligence on a stock. You are simply looking into things to determine for yourself if there is something to this counselling thing. And doing so on your own terms in order to ensure that the opinions you may have about therapy are grounded in at least a little personal experience. 

8. As a step toward couples therapy

Maybe you are in a relationship, maybe you are not. Maybe you have been or hope to be, or despite your best efforts, will end up being. Whatever the case, couples therapy can be hugely helpful from the point of view of learning how to communicate without triggering your partner and causing a full blown war. I won’t say more than that on this front, except to affirm that if you break the ice and book a mental health session for yourself, it will be much easier to book an appointment for couple’s therapy with your partner later when you inevitably run into problems. 

9. As a form of meditation 

Some go to the gym. Some write. Some smoke. Some go for long drives. Are all of these forms of meditation? Or should we characterize the above as “flow states?” Or is there some slippage or blurring between the terms in terms of how they are defined? Who knows. My thought in including meditation as a perk of getting professional help is that a therapist will often keep you on track where a line of thought is concerned. On our own, thoughts, related or not, tend to jump in and out of the picture at will and a therapist can often guide you through the labyrinths of ruminations, worries and ideas in a way that, through focused work, can help you identify and address one issue at a time. If we define meditation as focused thought, or as the process by which we achieve focus, then taking an hour to check in with a therapist can act as a form of meditation and/or awareness training. 

10. You’ve seen Goodwill Hunting

That scene where Robin Williams says “it’s not your fault” a bunch of times? You’re about a stubborn as that Damon character, right? Just let them try to break you! Challenge accepted. 

Maybe one or all of the reasons above have convinced you to book an appointment with a mental health professional. Or maybe the reasons not to seek counseling even if you are quietly suffering outweigh in the end the more strategic and practical if incidental pros. 

Should that be the case, my hope is that at some point down the line, when things change, or when you feel you need change, this post will make making that call just a little bit easier. 

In the meantime, and to take a page from Epictetus’ Manual for Living, “be kind.” To others, certainly, but also and especially to yourself. 

JM.